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what have i done? i took the one person who ever really cared about me, the only person ive ever loved in this world, and i made him hate me...he was right, i am a complete fuck up and ill never be happy, dont deserve to be happy either after the shit ive said and done...i had a chance, and i blew it...i had several chances actually, and i ruined it every time...there were even times when i knew i shouldnt send the messages i did but my anger made me send them anyway...i was completely irrational and stupid...he has every right to hate me, but i wish he'd reconsider



its never felt so real before...we've fought

several times, mostly over my petty bullshit, but he's always forgiven me...never knew why, never wanted to question it either in fear that he might realize his error...it seems now though that he realized and is cutting me out of his life completely...this is prolly the wisest thing he's done in his life, but that doesnt even begin to take away the pain im feeling right now...i deserve this pain but nevertheless i want it to stop...will it ever stop?